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125 Days ’til 40: because. BeCaUsE? BECAUSE!

19 Oct

Ah, one of my favorite words as a parent and as an educator…. one of those all-powerful words…. BECAUSE!

Of course, when I was growing up there was a full sentence, “Because I said so.”  I, however, prefer to use the word in isolation – it is then applicable to more circumstances….. because…. it has a nice ring to it sometimes.

Of course, the question is always “why” – though it can have many additional words attached to it.

I am learning that there are moments in life when I can use the word “because” – such as when questioned as to why I love nature, why I have never been drunk (yes it is true, I never have been), why I love the colors pink and green (separately and together), why I chose to adopt as a my first and ideal choice of how to form a family, why I like to run in the rain and laugh until my stomach hurts…..

But, then, there are many situations that need explanations – many times when “because” is simply not good enough.  I find that this is most often the case when children are involved.  It is so easy for parents to find themselves in moments when they are dis-empowering their children.  Usually it is not done on purpose… usually it is done out of convenience.

My youngest is very bright.  And, as a typical bright child (in fact, I was the SAME way when I was her age) she asks TONS and TONS of questions.  “Why” is often one of the questions she asks.  It is very hard to keep up after a long day at work.  This is where my “becauses” start to come out – and I do not like them.  I know it would be better for her for me to take time and explain, but in those moments I want a little down time, I want a breath – I want to eat dinner… and then start answering questions.  When we can, we divert with all of the activities we need to get done, but sometimes the “whys” are just too much… .so sometimes we say, “for this car ride you get 8 questions” – it drives her nuts, but we also get a mix of moments of quiet and moments of great interaction.

So, I suppose because can be a great answer to some questions, but we all have to be careful.  If we are using “because” too often with our young people, it can build walls in places where we are working hard to establish bridges of understanding.

Today, 125 days ’til 40, I will work to stop and listen and give relevant answers that honor the young people asking – because!

~400daystil40

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29 responses to “125 Days ’til 40: because. BeCaUsE? BECAUSE!

  1. Another Thousand Words

    October 19, 2012 at 00:29

    Hmmm…I was a “Why?” child, 400, and sadly, it drove Mother to say back, “Shut up!” very often.

    The path I devised for myself back then, which I continue to wander, is Research…I wish she would have said, “Oh, go look it up!”, but she didn’t, so I ended up answering my own whys…which I believe has made me a better human being.

     
    • 400daystil40

      October 19, 2012 at 22:27

      It is not easy to find the balance – but, wow – you were able to make your curiosity your career – so your mother should have encouraged it!

       
      • Another Thousand Words

        October 19, 2012 at 23:34

        Sadly, she was not very educated; she quit school at 15, in order to help support her mother and two younger sisters. Her father had passed away in 1922, when she was just 3 years old…she had a difficult young life, but was a very strong-willed woman who succumbed to the ravages of ALS at almost 63 years old. Needless to say, I even miss those “Shut up!” times.

         
        • 400daystil40

          October 20, 2012 at 23:25

          wow, what a tough story of her life………….

           
          • Another Thousand Words

            October 21, 2012 at 05:22

            It is, 400…those were how lives were lived during the Great Depression.

             
  2. walkwiththerabbi

    October 19, 2012 at 00:36

    Perhaps an alternative to “because” in some cases (especially with children), might be : “that is a very good and important question and it merits an equally good and relevant reply. Would you permit me some time to carefully reflect on it and to gather my thoughts (especially if you’re running on empty), so I can responsibly deal with it? Hugs from here.

     
    • 400daystil40

      October 19, 2012 at 22:27

      I love that answer!!!!! :)

       
      • walkwiththerabbi

        October 20, 2012 at 03:00

        Thank You. It’s my joy to extend to you, unlimited use of “that answer.” Wishing you and yours a safe, restorative weekend. Hugs from here.

         
        • 400daystil40

          October 20, 2012 at 23:21

          :) Thanks for the weekend wishes!

           
          • walkwiththerabbi

            October 20, 2012 at 23:34

            By the way, I’m composing an email list of people who will be the first to know just before my book The Walk and subsequent releases (like “I’m Every Woman”) goes live. We’ll probably do discounted pricing for the first week or so. I’d be honored to have you on that preferred list. May I have your email address for this purpose? I promise you that it will only be used for communication between us. May I have your name (first name only if you’d be more comfortable with that). Hugs from here.

             
          • 400daystil40

            October 20, 2012 at 23:36

            My email is easy! 400daystil40@gmail.com :)

             
          • walkwiththerabbi

            October 20, 2012 at 23:46

            Thanks a bunch. We’ll connect again soon I’m sure. I’m posting tomorrow on “the real story of Sodom.” It has nothing to do with homogenitality. It has everything to do with a bunch of sicko’s that had way too much time on their hands.

             
  3. brenaturally

    October 19, 2012 at 01:11

    We do that a lot too but have figured out a way to involve the technology that is ever prevalent these days…we tell them to look it up and tell us the answer. (Works really well in those times I really don’t know but don’t want to admit it either…lol)

     
    • 400daystil40

      October 19, 2012 at 22:28

      Ah yes, this is a great strategy – we also use it!

       
  4. buckwheatsrisk

    October 19, 2012 at 03:02

    why?

     
  5. viveka

    October 19, 2012 at 13:20

    When my best friend’s son was 3-5 years old .. he never stopped asking questions and we tried to answer every question about the same issue so long as possible – in the end .. we just said, BECAUSE – and he was pleased .. for 2 min and then an other question was asked. Every wake hour he had. So I know how powerful this word is … at least for a couple of minutes. Great post.
    Wish you a pleasant weekend.

     
  6. Anonymous

    October 19, 2012 at 14:27

    I have to do it: Why 8 questions?

     
  7. getbusyyall

    October 19, 2012 at 14:28

    Why 8 questions?

     
  8. knittingwithheart

    October 19, 2012 at 23:59

    why? … google it … why?!? … because.

     
  9. sakuraandme

    October 23, 2012 at 08:41

    My mum’s favorite was “Don’t Start” *laughing*

     

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