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2 Days ’til 40: 40 Favorite Posts from My 400 Days ’til 40 Journey

I must say that it was much easier to choose 40 photos than to choose 40 posts!  One of the fun things about this particular journey is that I allowed myself to write (or post photos) about whatever I felt on any particular day.  As a result, I have a wide array of followers who each connect in different ways to what I write – this has been amazing.  I imagine that in the future, as I become a bit more focused, I may have a less diverse group of readers, though I hope not!

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Here is my top 40 list of posts, hopefully as eclectic as my readers are.  Some I chose because of the importance of the content, some because they make me laugh (yes, I realize that I have a weird sense of humor that others do not always appreciate) and some because I like the way the words flow. Read the rest of this entry »

 

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5 Days ’til 40: Losing my Necklace (Or Maybe My Sanity?)

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Well, when you get old senility sets in first, right?  Apparently as I run this final stretch towards 40 it is all going downhill!!! Read the rest of this entry »

 
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Posted by on February 16, 2013 in attitude, Inspiration, mental health, Old, Self-esteem

 

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10 Days ’til 40: Planned Obsolescence = ROBBING CONSUMERS

About two years ago I bought a car adapter for my iPhone, enabling me to play my phone through my stereo.  This car adapter is the inspiration for today’s post.  Here is a photo:

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Recently I have become more aware of planned obsolescence as I have been taking a Coursera course on entrepreneurship.  While I had understood planned obsolescence to some degree prior to enrolling in the course (I mean, don’t we all say, “They don’t make things like they used to.”)?  I really did not understand how purposeful and deliberate this is.  In a day and age when items should be lasting longer, they are being designed to break at record speeds in the name of profits and capitalism – and at the expense of our environment and consumer pocketbooks. Read the rest of this entry »

 
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Posted by on February 11, 2013 in Addiction, attitude, Old, Uncategorized

 

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53 Days ’til 40: What is His Story?

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I have not worked as a counselor in an official capacity for almost four years (yes, it is true that my current job in educational leadership does lend itself to many counseling moments).  That said, I no longer consider myself a counseling professional, I now consider myself a broader “educational professional”.  Yet, I have these moments when I find myself slipping back into that counseling role.  The interesting thing is that I slip into the counseling role in the strangest of places (can you relate?)  It does not necessarily happen at staff or parents meetings exclusively.  Sometimes, I find myself in counselor mode on the weekends or while on vacation – far away from my professional realities.  Yesterday was one of those days. Read the rest of this entry »

 

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276 Days ’til 40: Inventions that Change Our Lives

At 276 days ’til 40, I am old, but I am not REALLY old, and with a projected lifespan into the 80′s, I certainly have a long way to go if my genetics and life circumstances choose to cooperate.  That said, when I look around at the world today compared to the world I was born into so much has changed.  I realize that so many of the things I rely on today did not exist, or existed only in their infant forms, when I was young. Read the rest of this entry »

 

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296 Days ’til 40: Never Too Old (To Live Your Dreams)

You are never too old to set another goal or to dream a new dream. ~ C.S. Lewis Read the rest of this entry »

 

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393 Days ’til 40: Human Bugle @ss

Don’t you just hate those days?  Come on, admit it – you KNOW you have them.  You ate something…. you may not know what, but you certainly had something that has turned your @ss into a Human Bugle Horn.  Aren’t you lucky???

Now, there are different types of Buttockial Bugles, some less desirable than others.  Let’s define the varieties.

Clandestine Cornet 

This one is silent, but deadly.  And… I… mean…. DEADLY.  This is the kind that makes your dog howl and slink out of the room.  The good news is the silence.  If you let loose with one of these in the middle of a crowded room, it may not be traced to you, particularly if you start to make a funny face and over-emphasize your sniffing.  Be careful not to sniff too loudly or too emphatically (first of all, you may asphyxiate yourself with the fumes).  You do not want the room to think you are the culprit (or rather, KNOW you are the culprit).  The other thing you will want to remember is not to make an exit that is too quick…. also a dead give away that the stench is yours.  The best escape technique in these situations is to casually move all parties in the room to a new location (pulling the fire alarm is not the best way to accomplish this).  Notice a new painting in the adjacent room, take a walk, or suggest you move to another room to have some tea and cookies.

Thundering Trumpet

This @ss horn may just put Louis Armstrong to shame!  Great tonal qualities, wonderful projection – and free from any air-polluting toxins.  There is no methane gas produced in this proud musical moment.  (Scientific side note – cows produce Methane farts, human farts are mostly Nitrogen, with just a trace of Methane and Hydrogen.)  These horns let out a warning siren, but no chemical attack follows them.  If you are in a crowded room, you may be able to pass this off as coming from another party – it depends on how blustering the pitch was.  Warning – do not, I repeat DO NOT try to talk louder in order to cover up your thundering trumpet.  This only makes matters worse.  The trumpet has already blown, therefore you will not actually be speaking over your trumpeting, but, rather, the ensuing awkward silence.  This is would be an obvious clue, an unwitting disclosure, a telltale sign and giveaway.  If you speak loudly after you thunder, the shroud will shrivel and your cover will be blown.  Play it cool, react only nominally.  Start a very interesting subject in the near future, but not too eagerly.  Hopefully the moment will pass and everyone will move on.  Memories are short… usually.

Bold Battle Bugle 

This is the deadliest variety.  This @ss Bugle comes with both tone and stench.  The good news for those around you is that it announces it’s arrival, giving surrounding company plenty of chance to duck and cover (or head for the hills!)  The bad news for you is that there is no pretending where that horrid smell came from, your @ss hung you out to dry – the tone was so strong it gave you away.  It was as though your @ss shouted, “Come, here, look at me, I am the one that worked so hard to wilt the flowers in the room!!!”  If you have let loose with one of these, don’t even try to deny it – you WILL be caught.  Just run, RUN away.  The timing of your ability to emerge shame-free will depend on the extent of damages and the specific social situation, but may vary from 5 minutes to 5 weeks.  Plan ahead, if you are prone to these attacks I recommend you build a stocked Y2K shelter in your backyard.  Here is a good example from another blog:  http://www.darwinsfinance.com/doomsday-shelters/

And, finally, some advice for you all (and for the betterment of human kind).  If you suffer from flatulence that has turned your @ss into an instrument, perhaps the following dietary guidelines will be of value to you:

The following foods are known (maybe not by professionals, but my personal @ss trumpet) to create tooting tushies:

Beans (you all know the rhyme… “beans, beans the magical fruit….”)

Fruits – especially apples, bananas, prunes and dried fruits

Fake Sugar – particularly Sorbitol

Vegetables (cabbage, broccoli, cauliflower, brussels sprouts,corn, onions, turnips)

Dairy products (particularly if you are lactose intolerant – milk and ice cream especially)

Wheat products/ bran/ etc.

High fat foods

The following foods are known (again, maybe not by professionals, but by my personal @ss trumpet) to reduce buttock bugles:

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So there you have it!  You are now well-informed!  If you find you are not able to rid yourself of your @ss bugling abilities, embrace them!  Maybe you can “cut” an album and be rich.  If you do, please remember me – I want 5% of the royalties for the idea.

It is said that love makes the world go ’round – the announcement lacks verification. It’s wind from the dinner horn that does it.  ~O. Henry

400daystil40 (Sounding off!)

 
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Posted by on January 25, 2012 in Health, Old, Rants

 

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400 Days ’til 40: My New Pet Hermie

How apropos that I would find a new traveling companion as I am beginning my new journey – 400 days ’til 40.  I didn’t, however, expect to find my new companion on my @ss.  Yes, my new cyber friends, Hermie is my new pet hemorrhoid.  He has taken up residence in a place I would rather not have anything reside.  I suppose this is one of the many gifts I have to look forward to as I make that climb to 40.  As time and gravity and wear and tear take their tolls on my not-so-youthful body I am told I will encounter many new surprises, and Hermie is just one of the lovely things I have to look forward to.

So, folks, I wonder.  Do you think Hermie will be with me 400 days from now???  (The correct answer, by the way is “Hell no!”)  The question is, how will he leave me?  Will he walk out on his own, or will he have to be forcibly evicted from his residence in a location meant to be exit only, and not a parking zone?

Well, there you have it – in my quest to find deeper meaning in just 400 days, I have now told anyone silly enough to read this blog that wiping is not as easy as it was when I was 401 days away from 40.  Getting old sucks, though, as my father used to say, “It beats the alternative!”

Squeezing my Charmin~

400daystil40 (and Hermie)

 
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Posted by on January 18, 2012 in Health, Old

 

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