356 Days ’til 40: Accepting Apologies – Releasing Rage

If you are a person who has lived any remnant of a normal life, people have failed you.  When people fail you it can hurt – a lot.  Unresolved hurt can become anger and unresolved anger can progress into rage.

When we have been deeply hurt and emotionally or physically scarred by individuals in our lives it is natural to feel a great deal of hatred towards the individuals who have caused us pain.  Many of us have fantasies of seeing these people somehow feel as much hurt as they have cause us to feel.  We often find pleasure in envisioning them suffering like we have.  Many times we hold on to our rage and our desires for revenge for years – even decades.

The first point I want to make is that anger is not always a bad thing, in fact, sometimes anger is critical.  Anger can be used to protect yourself from further emotional or physical harm.  It is good to get angry when anger serves as a way to guard yourself and others.

The scary thing is when we as individuals feel the need to hold on to our anger, when we refuse to let it go.  Many times abusive individuals will want to reach out and offer an apology or make some sort of amends.  This can be a very painful process for a person who has been hurt and should be treated with the utmost of care and concern.  What many people do not realize is that an apology is twofold.  The person who caused harm must genuinely confess their mistake and admit their desire to no longer make choices that hurt other people.  If they are forgiven, they may feel a release of part of the guilt they carry with them for harming another human being.

The victim, the person who has been harmed may then be pressured to forgive the person who is offering up an apology.  It should first be noted that forgiveness is NOT the same as forgetting.  A person can forgive another human being and let go of the anger, rage and bitterness without forgetting their past.  It is possible to be loyal to your past pain and forgive at the same time.  Forgiveness has NOTHING to do with the person who harmed you, and everything to do with you.  As long as you carry around anger and resentment towards an abusive personality you are allowing that abusive personality to reside in your head – affording it way too much power.  None of us want anger as a permanent resident in our minds.  When you forgive someone, you are no longer allowing the memory of their actions to torment you.  You are letting go.

Letting go is not an easy process, but the benefits are amazing.  When you are able to distance yourself from the hard times in your past, you are freeing yourself to create a wonderful life in the present.

To letting go~

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