Confront your fears, list them, get to know them, and only then will you be able to put them aside and move ahead. ~ Jerry Gillies
But in fantasy, you can make a complete break, and you can put people in a situation where they are confronted with things that they would not confront in the real world. ~ Elizabeth Moon
We all hurt…. We have all been wronged. We have all felt the pain, anger, annoyance, or sorrow at the hands of another person. At times the individual may have meant to harm us, at other times it may have been completely innocent and accidental and it could have been somewhere in between. It is a natural part of the human experience to feel these feelings and to have strains and stressors in our personal interactions. The question is, “how do we deal with it?”
I believe it is so important to be honest and direct with people. This is not always easy. Rudy Giuliani said “When you confront a problem you begin to solve it.” This is so true. Only by addressing issues do we open ourselves ip to the possibility of moving forward, and of growing personally and in our relationships with those who have harmed us.
I find that individuals have different reactions to the need for confrontation.
- Denial (AKA: Living in Egypt – get it??? De Nile?) Anyhow, these people will avoid admitting there has been any sort of harm caused to them because their fear of confrontation is worse in their mind then living with their inner pain and frustration.
- Minimization: These individuals insist that it is not so bad, and prefer to convince themselves and others that all is okay, rather than admit to the extent of the injuries and talk through them.
- Gossiping (AKA Passive Aggressive): These individuals are happy to tell everyone BUT the offender that the offender did something wrong. Sometimes they are hopeful that this strategy will allow the message of the hurt to get back to the offender without their needing to take responsibility for a direct confrontation. Other forms of passive aggressive behavior include: sabotaging the workplace, nasty anonymous emails, etc.
- Passive Confronters: These people will drop hints that they have been offended in some way and then wait for the person who harmed them to put the pieces together and apologize. They are disappointed if the offender misses the hints… and if they do pick them up and address them, it may be met with, “It’s okay, it wasn’t that bad.”
- Rage and Anger: These individuals look for those who harmed them and scream and yell until the offender apologizes profusely. Nothing is really resolved because the offender often apologizes out of the desire for the yelling to stop instead of true regret.
- Direct Confrontation: These individuals deal with the issue head on, but in a respectful way. They often believe that resolving conflict leads to new understandings and stronger relationships so conflict does not scare them. Through the dialog process the relationship cannot only be repaired, it may grow stronger.
Courage is the capacity to confront what can be imagined. ~ Leo Rosten