133 Days ’til 40: Pick Me, PICK ME!!!

“Pick me, PICK ME.”  This reminds me of my many tortured elementary school days on my school playground when my peers would never pick me.  In fact, I was most often the last person picked – particularly for anything involving sports.  It was a very sad and lonely time.

I desperately wanted to fit in.  I desperately wanted to be good at something.  I desperately wanted to feel as though I belonged and was accepted.  But, alas, I often felt none of those things.  Instead, I felt ostracized, alone, alienated, different, isolated, pathetic, and sad.  I wanted to be part of the group.  Yet, I was also horrible, COMPLETELY HORRIFIC when it came to playground sports.  I was artistic, I was a great actor and I loved arts and crafts…. these skills, unfortunately, were not very valuable during my playground days.

It took a long time for me to find my place and feel included and accepted.  I really did not feel fully accepted until I found a new high school at age 16.  I auditioned and was accepted to a famous performing arts high school – and suddenly all the kids were like me.  We were all the elementary school sports rejects…. yet, when given a school of our own, we all belonged.  I was in heaven.  Complete and total HEAVEN.

I learned a valuable lesson when I switched schools at age 16.  I learned that my isolation was not about me per se – it was just a wrong fit.  It was not that I was being rejected and did not fit in because I was a bad person – it was simply not the right group for me to be part of.  When I was suddenly placed within the right group of kids for me, I blossomed and grew – and I was happier.

Over time, I have come to realize this is still true in my adult life.  I have some really amazing friends – we picked each other due to our common interests – we create our own circles of belonging.  Similarly, we find our work environments in a variety of different ways – yet the work environments we are happiest in are ones that allow us to find ourselves and shine.  I think this is critical to understand when applying for jobs.  A new job is less about being liked and picked (even though we all want to be picked if we are applying to a new job that sounds fun and exciting).  In an ideal world, being chosen for a position is more about being a right fit for an organization (and the organization a right fit for you) and less about popularity or other frivolous ways people choose to judge each other.

Today, 133 days ’til 40 I remind myself that as an adult I do not want to desperately yearn to be chosen by anyone for anything – I, instead, want to find those places of mutual respect and understanding – where there is mutual choice and engagement – those special places and spaces where I belong “just because”.

~400daystil40