Over the past few months I have been debating the possibility of expanding my professional repertoire and challenging myself with additional opportunities. Simple, huh? It is NOT at all simple. In my particular case, I needed to work out an agreement with someone willing to expose me to new circumstances and opportunities. I had to find a perfect learning partner combination.
As I went through this process, I discovered something about myself – I hate to be rejected, even in circumstances I KNOW are not right for me. With this particular opportunity, there were MANY significant factors that made it a bad learning experience – some of which I could live with and others that I stated clearly I would NOT be able to tolerate. Sadly, the things I could not tolerate heavily outweighed the things I could live with. We needed to make a mutual decision and I was very clearly leaning towards looking for other opportunities to continue to learn and grow – this one was NOT good for me.
YET, a funny thing happened – when the other individual was not interested in working with me I was not happy, maybe even a bit offended. Now, a person just said we were not a good match for extra learning and I had already come to that conclusion on my own, yet my ego was bruised….. why??????
I found the whole experience quite amusing. If I do not feel like an opportunity for growth is right, then why should I be offended when someone else draws the same conclusion. Can you relate?
~400daystil40
Fortuitous Forty!!! 
vyvacious
December 7, 2012 at 00:34
I feel the same way but awkwardly more so if I’m dating someone. I’ll realize damn this is not going to work out, but if he brings it up first, for some reason I’m out of sorts for a little while after even if we both knew it was for the best. I think it’s just because you feel somewhat less worthy that they didn’t just fall in love with you. Now I’m talking about both personal relationships AND your case in which there is a work relationship.
Hope your ego heals itself soon and you’re able to move forward 🙂
400daystil40
December 7, 2012 at 23:08
Yes, I am sure my ego will heal!!! 🙂
knittingwithheart
December 7, 2012 at 02:08
Yep, people are funny that way… Hope it works out for you next time!
400daystil40
December 7, 2012 at 23:08
I am sure it will work out when it is supposed to work out…. whenever that may be.
knittingwithheart
December 7, 2012 at 23:28
🙂
Laura Conowitch
December 7, 2012 at 03:00
The offense comes (at least for me) because my ego is the one that wants to make the choice…I don’t want the other person to make it for me…even when I know he/she is right. And I want the other person to always think I’m a good fit. Yup, I can relate to you. LOL!
400daystil40
December 7, 2012 at 23:07
Yes, exactly! Even if they are right, I want to say it!!! 🙂
Another Thousand Words
December 7, 2012 at 03:36
Lest we forget, 400…we are only human, and full of all sorts of emotions, one of which is ‘anger at rejection’. But if the anger can be turned into something positive, that’s a good thing…and you just did that by venting, publicly, and finding that the anger caused by rejection is universal.
I guess our egos have something to do with it…i work hard to keep mine ‘small and under wraps’ as an artist, yet rejection of my ‘oeuvres’ (which has happened a number of times in my life) literally stomps on that anger button…and it takes so much energy to overcome. It’s not easy, but just another part of life (I guess?).
400daystil40
December 7, 2012 at 23:06
Yes, you make a very good point… and it does take energy to move on….. step by step.
Another Thousand Words
December 8, 2012 at 03:32
One of my mottoes: “Little by little…bit by bit!”
walkwiththerabbi
December 7, 2012 at 04:10
I relate totally. We innately don’t want something/someone, until it’s/their no longer available to us.The “ego” which resides within us all, simply hates the prospect that “it” is somehow being diminished in it’s position of supreme authority. A tool “it” uses, is to play a motion picture in our minds eye that is beyond our consious thought, in fact, it’s unconscious thought. That unconscious thought controls so much of our lives – if we allow it. We MUST choose to live in the NOW, for that’s the only reality. The energy in the NOW is literally life-transforming. Make sense? Hugs till next time.
400daystil40
December 7, 2012 at 23:05
Yes! Exactly!!! I am working on balancing living in the present while being proactive about my future – I have not yet found the right balance, but hopefully I will.
walkwiththerabbi
December 7, 2012 at 23:52
If you want it desperately/badly enough, you will – guaranteed! Trust me – I’m Jewish!
jaksichja
December 7, 2012 at 04:43
I don’t like to sound philosophical in a situation such as yours; however, I had a very similar situation in grad school. I had a “very hard” learning experience, in fact I had many of them. My take away was the following (and I can only hope it may shed a little light and dispel real darkness?)
I’ll attempt to put it in the following terms–it’s kind of like the way some of us learned to approach the Christmas season. Many times in the past, I believed that Christmas was a time to give without counting. I tried to satisfy needs that I could not meet–even if they were monetary, physical or spiritual. I did not understand that Christmas was about how I approached it–not the way I thought it should end. It is as if true satisfaction has be grounded in the reality of the moment. It is being “present in the moment.” I, for one, don’t believe that this is an easy task. I don’t like to sound trite–but it is also about change.
I wish I could be of better help–
Cheers
400daystil40
December 7, 2012 at 23:04
Thanks for your great input! I am already looking towards the next possibility, one that is more exciting than the one that did not fit….. and if not that, the next one will follow!
jaksichja
December 8, 2012 at 00:43
Good to hear! Take care.
sakuraandme
December 7, 2012 at 05:09
No one likes rejection! it’s just one of those ego things we can’t let go of! *laughing* Have a great weekend! *waving* …Chow Paula x
400daystil40
December 7, 2012 at 23:03
so very true!!!
buckwheatsrisk
December 7, 2012 at 05:53
yes i can. i hope the perfect opportunity comes your way!
400daystil40
December 7, 2012 at 23:03
Thank you!
Lucianus Mauricius
December 7, 2012 at 06:04
It’s like that in a relationship, when you know the other person is not right for you, or the whole “arrangement” is skewed, yet when the other person says the same thing, our ego goes; what, I’m not right for you?
We’re weary of accepting rejection because it forces us to look into ourselves. Rarely anyone likes to do that.
400daystil40
December 7, 2012 at 22:58
Yes, such a great point making the link with relationships.
Lucianus Mauricius
December 9, 2012 at 11:13
Been there.
deWriterMD
December 7, 2012 at 07:16
Reblogged this on MetaRead360 Small Press presents and commented:
NOTE: Hell yeah, I can definitely relate! Just got a job yesterday, but it’s been a long, dreary process to get it!
400daystil40
December 7, 2012 at 22:57
🙂
Marian Hearne
December 7, 2012 at 09:07
None of us like rejection, even when we know the situation is wrong. Remember you’re moving out of your comfort zone so it’s going to be uncomfortable and you’re going to make mistakes. It’s good fortune that you’ve found out early on that your first venture is not the right one. Keep trying. It’s like house-hunting etc. You’ll scour brochures, the web etc until the one you like pops up. It’s unlikely that your dream home will be the first one you see. Same with this. If something is not working or doesn’t feel right for you move on (and quickly).
Remember you’re on a learning curve and trying a few options is part of the process. Looking forward to hearing more especially your successes.
400daystil40
December 7, 2012 at 22:54
So very true.. and yes, when we push past our comfort zone it really is a continual learning experience!
lengesinski
December 7, 2012 at 12:26
Human Condition Stuffs-Fear of Rejection or a Variant of.
You Will Eventually Find The Right Partner/Connection, Picking Yourself Back Up and Dusting Off and then Moving On.
400daystil40
December 7, 2012 at 22:54
I hope so!
kenthinksaloud
December 7, 2012 at 19:35
I know just what you mean! It’s strange isn’t it? We know it’s not going to work out but WE want to be the one to break it off. When the other person gets there first we get all offended even though it is what we want too!
400daystil40
December 7, 2012 at 22:54
Yes, exactly!!!
transitionstande
December 7, 2012 at 21:33
Yes totally!
400daystil40
December 7, 2012 at 22:54
🙂
colormusing
December 8, 2012 at 17:50
I can relate. I think there’s something in me that always wants to hang into the hope that maybe, against the odds, it really will work out after all… It’s hard to let that go sometimes. The thing that helps me is realizing that if I don’t let that old thing go, there’s no space for something new (and better) to come along.
400daystil40
December 8, 2012 at 23:32
Yes, very good points! Thank you!!!
simon7bankss
December 12, 2012 at 00:03
Yes, I can. For most of us, including myself, if we’re rejected we feel belittled even if the reasons for rejection make sense. This is one reason why, in common with most Brits, I find it difficult to ask people if they’ll do something to help a common cause: a no sounds like a rejection of me. The other reason is a fear of “imposing” on people.
400daystil40
December 12, 2012 at 23:58
Yes, exactly!