291 Days ’til 40: Confessions of a Sleepblogger

I have a confession to make. In the middle of the night when my house is quiet and all is well within the confines of nocturnal bliss my dysfunction rages. My nightly predicament manifests most often in that time continuum between 23:30 and midnight. Yes, at that precise moment, I am often a sleepblogger.

In most cases I have experienced a long, hard day at work and should have been in bed hours prior. Yet, arriving home, I was tasked with cooking dinner, making lunches, doing laundry, and random other chores…. these things greatly delay the hour in which I retire to spend quality time with my pillow. Most normal people would leave their blogs for another day and succumb to their natural pull towards slumber. I, however, cannot allow myself that satisfaction. Why? Well, in a moment of unexplained insanity, I agreed to blog for 400 days in a row. Therefore, no matter how exhausted I may be, that daily post must be up by midnight. With my eyelids half-shut I begin to type….. I feel my head drift down towards my keyboard. I fight to stay awake…… I no longer remember what my last sentence was about – in fact, I no longer remember what this particular blog entry is about. All I know is I need to finish the entry NOW because I cannot stand another second of this torture. Yes, In this moment, I am sleepblogging.

As this is a serious disorder, I wanted to give my readers a list of the warning signs. Please share these with your friends and family so that you can promote the awareness of sleepblogging. Together we can make a difference!

You know you are a sleepblogger if:

1. You wake up in the morning and do not remember the blog you posted last night.
2. You feel a bit nauseous and have a hazy recollection of writing something that you worry you may regret today.
3. You pray your blog and your ex have nothing to do with each other, and you did not accidentally mix up your post with your email detailing his offenses and belittling his sexual performance.
4. Your entry makes no sense – it literally MAKES NO SENSE at all. In fact, it appears it was composed by someone who does not speak English as a native language… in fact, maybe your sleep persona is from a planet that speaks a language yet to be discovered by mankind.
5. The glories of spellcheck are working at full speed and u c that their r errors threw out the entire post that would make you’re hi school english teacher cringe.
6. The photo of the coconut you thought you inserted into your post turned out to be a photo of you wearing a coconut bikini top…. it has gone viral……. your career may be ruined, but the parking lot attendant now offers you a more comfortable orange peel or cantaloupe option for your next appearance…. you did not realize how thoughtful he really was.
7. Your teenager wants to transfer to a school in a different country… her friends suddenly want to date you.
8. You are in denial – does sleepblogging REALLY hurt anyone? You tell your friends that they are overreacting and they should leave you alone and mind their own business. They counter with an intervention, they want you to commit to no longer blogging daily – you refuse, you need it, you must have it, at any cost. The sleepblogging is a small price to pay in order to get your high from the daily post you have committed to.

If you recognize any of the above symptoms in yourself or others, get help. You deserve it. Together we are strong. Perhaps it is time to start a blogging community dedicated to the plight of sleepbloggers. We admit we are powerless over our addiction to blogging and we turn ourselves over to our higher power.

Today, 291 days ’til 40, I will strive to compose my blog entries earlier in the evening so as to not fall victim to sleepblogging.

~400daystil40