73 Days ’til 40: Turning Down the (Emotional) Heat

 

 

When you can’t make them see the light, make them feel the heat. ~ Ronald Reagan

When the water starts boiling it is foolish to turn off the heat. ~ Nelson Mandela

I am a leader.  Leaders always get heat.  They’re always going against the grain.  Jimi Hendrix got heat; Bob Marley got heat; Miles Davis got heat.  Every great artist got heat.  Heat means you’re doing something right. ~ Ziggy Marley

The other day I was in a cafe staring at the outdoor heaters (see abstract photo above).  While I stared at the heaters, I started thinking about all of life’s circumstances that cause heated emotions.  There are times when we all get a bit over-heated.

I have to say, I have a very long fuse.  I very rarely get REALLY angry.  As such, when I am very angry I am out of my comfort zone.  I have found, however, sometimes anger is necessary in relationships.  I recently had to confront someone over a pattern of repeated inappropriate behaviors.  When asked gently to make changes, nothing occurred – that person did not take me seriously until they saw my anger.

Once I had an employee that was not working out.  I had called in the employee on several occasions and explained the improvements needed, I even brought in a specialist to support and give extra training to the employee.  I told the employee that if changes were not made their employment could be in jeopardy   Yet, when I had to fire the employee, they were shocked.  They said to me, “but you didn’t yell at me, so I didn’t think you were really going to fire me.”  My personal philosophy is that if a situation with an employee escalates to the point where only yelling will bring about change, then that is not an employee I want to work with.  I prefer collaboration.

There are many realities with heated emotions.  Have you ever noticed that some individuals seem to CRAVE and THRIVE on heated emotions?  I have seen a few people around me lately who seem to create drama around them because they clearly are gaining something from the experience   Perhaps they need constant doses of adrenaline or are addicted to the feelings of chaos or the ensuing attention.  It is hard for me to create alliances with such people, as I prefer to surround myself with individuals who have a more even temperament.

I see some couples who are caught up in relationship chaos – always fighting with one another (and torturing their children who are forced to witness it).  I cannot imagine a relationship like that.  Every relationship has its moments, yet at the center should be a stable foundation of love and support, not constant arguments.

Today, 73 days ’til 40, I am thankful that I have a long fuse and that it continues to get longer as I get older (I suppose we all learn to choose our battles wisely!)  I am taking this opportunity to remind myself that I can choose my friend.  I can choose to surround myself with grounded individuals and distance myself from people who have their heat turned up too high.

~400daystil40